lol wiiiiiiiiiii
You are like the grandma I never had. You send me breakfast every Saturday and Sunday morning. You make me lunch almost every day after school. You buy me cute little earrings whenever you go out shopping for yourself. You shout at my mom when she shouts at me. You give me cookies and ice cream and candy.
But now, you have cancer. Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. Now, you’re bed ridden, you’re so weak, you can barely eat your food by yourself. The doctors barred all visitors except your two sons and our family, because you requested it so. Your immune system is spiralling, and you hate paper breaths. I can see the forlorn look in your eyes. I can see that you’ve given up.
Please don’t. Its killing me. Please don’t. Please fight this, because you have the chance. Please fight this because you want to live. Please fight this so you can see your grand kids grow up. Please fight this so that I can invite you to my graduation and my wedding and everything. Please fight this. Please please. It’s tearing me apart. I can’t bear to see you look so … hopeless. Whenever I saw you, you had this gracious, polite, royal smile on your face. It lit up the entire room. And now that that smile is gone, the world just looks dark and drab. I can’t even run to you now, when I really need you the most. When times are horrible at home, and I need my other home. Your home. But its all packed up in boxes on a ship in the middle of the South China Sea. My escape has escaped me.
Please, just please. I’ll do anything. Fight this.
You’ve got so much love in you, you’ve got so much love in you. I’m amazed that i’m talking to you, you look like the songs that i’ve heard my whole life coming true
Hush, baby don't cry
Just get through this night
Overcome
Cuz all that you are
Is broken inside
But they'll never know
They'll never know
Don't think that they'll change
They push you away
Far from home
Cuz all that they are
Is broken inside
But they'll never know
They'll never know
Don't you cry tonight
Rest your weary eyes
Cuz all that you are
Is broken inside
It's nothing you could change
It's nothing you could hide
So if you have a minute why don’t we go talk about it somewhere only we know?
Honestly, the ‘sweetest’ people I have ever met, have turned out to be phonies. It’s the bitchy ones that have proved to be the loveliest.
I could be who you wanted somewhere down the road, when I’m whole, when the rains are done, when I’ve reaped what I’ve sown. But here and now, on my hands and knee’s I crawl through the dark.
I wish that all of the lovely things I write about on this blog, all of the endearing pictures I reblog on tumblr, and all of the song lyrics I post on twitter meant something. I wish that I wrote them down, reblogged them or posted them with a certain person in mind, not an apparition surrounded by smoke in my head.
):
50 states
50 lines
50 crying all the time's
50 boys
50 lies
50 i'm gonna change my mind's
i changed my mind
i changed my mind
now i'm feeling different
we were young
we were young
we were young we didn't care
is it gone
is it gone
is it floating in the air?
i changed my mind
i changed my mind
now i'm feeling different
Have you not heard of that madman who lit a lantern in the bright morning hours, ran to the market-place, and cried incessantly: “I am looking for God! I am looking for God!”
As many of those who did not believe in God were standing together there, he excited considerable laughter. Have you lost him, then? said one. Did he lose his way like a child? said another. Or is he hiding? Is he afraid of us? Has he gone on a voyage? or emigrated? Thus they shouted and laughed. The madman sprang into their midst and pierced them with his glances.
“Where has God gone?” he cried. “I shall tell you. We have killed him - you and I. We are his murderers. But how have we done this? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What did we do when we unchained the earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving now? Away from all suns? Are we not perpetually falling? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there any up or down left? Are we not straying as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is it not more and more night coming on all the time? Must not lanterns be lit in the morning? Do we not hear anything yet of the noise of the gravediggers who are burying God? Do we not smell anything yet of God’s decomposition? Gods too decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we, murderers of all murderers, console ourselves? That which was the holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet possessed has bled to death under our knives. Who will wipe this blood off us? With what water could we purify ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not ourselves become gods simply to be worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed; and whosoever shall be born after us - for the sake of this deed he shall be part of a higher history than all history hitherto.”
Here the madman fell silent and again regarded his listeners; and they too were silent and stared at him in astonishment. At last he threw his lantern to the ground, and it broke and went out. “I have come too early,” he said then; “my time has not come yet. The tremendous event is still on its way, still travelling - it has not yet reached the ears of men. Lightning and thunder require time, the light of the stars requires time, deeds require time even after they are done, before they can be seen and heard. This deed is still more distant from them than the distant stars - and yet they have done it themselves.”
It has been further related that on that same day the madman entered divers churches and there sang a requiem. Led out and quietened, he is said to have retorted each time: “What are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchres of God?
”| — | Friedrich Nietzsche |
What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person
Humans can be so frightfully interesting, don’t you think? We always think that there are only a few, set in stone ways to react to something, but every single time, the people around us surprise us. There are 6 billion (approximately) different ways to react, to think, to love, to hate, to be happy and to be sad, and each reaction causes a domino affect around the world.
And I just want to stop, yeah I need to break down, but my feet keep on moving me over the ground.
If there is one thing I absolutely detest, its people who are late. I’m not being rigid, 10 – 15 minutes is fine, but in my life I’ve met so many people who are 1 or even 2 hours late. That’s a little too much, don’t you think? I’ve always believed that punctuality shows how much the other cares for you, so when someone is habitually an hour late, it always makes me question our friendship
Nathaniel Emmons once said,’ I can never think well of a man’s intellectual or moral character if he is habitually unfaithful to his appointments.’
Kiss me silly. Kiss me until I can’t breathe. Kiss me until you’re the only thing I can possibly think about, and my head is spinning. Kiss me until I will never forget the way you taste on my lips. Kiss me until I can hardly tell where you end and I begin.
Kiss me until we find that our skin is pressed together. Kiss me until your hands are all over me, and I can smell you and feel you. Kiss me until I give in. Kiss me until there is no question that I am yours.
And then kiss me again.
1. Get something off your chest.
I can’t believe you’re leaving! It sucks and I think Priya and I almost made each other cry(again) just by talking about it. We’re both sure that when school reopens, we’ll bawl our eyes out, what with her coming to school alone and me having free periods with just Shounak ): Don’t forget about us!
2. The last dream you remember having
I HAD THIS REALLY COOL VAMPIRE DREAM A FEW NIGHTS AGO!
3. My current relationship status in great detail.
Single, forever and always. I think that’s pretty self explanatory.
4. A friend/ bestfriend and talk about them
Uhhhhh, I’m talking to Karthik now, so I’ll just talk about him, lol. Karthik is the most sincere and honest guy I’ve met and I really appreciate that about him 
Also he was my birthday present, lol. Best birthday present EVERRRRRR. Also he was there for me when no one else was, which makes me appreciate him more.
Also he’s awesome possum.
5. Another thing that annoys you.
People who drink wine straight out the bottle. Omg go get a glass you dumbfucks.
6. Someone you hate/strongly dislike
What’s the point of this, really? Whats the point of hating someone ? I’m sure we’re above that. You can’t seriously expect me to be 18 and still hold grudges? Life’s too short to do that, everyone has their flaws, if their flaw’s are a bit too much for you to handle, just keep your distance. There’s no need to hate. Its such a strong word
7. List everything you have eaten today.
Fries with Priya at Macs…. I think that’s it lol.
8. Post lyrics that is relavent to how you feel right now
’please speak soft, little stranger
because it's all the rest I know
crush that head, little lover
just don't ask me to let go
it's too much to let it go
coming back and forth and slow
please don't ask me to let go’
10. The last time you were angry and why?
Yesterday. Anchit had to foot the bill because people were lying about paying up =.=
11. the last time you cried and why?
On the 6th of June when I found out arrpi was leaving for sure. I cried like crazy.
12. How was your life different this time, one year ago.
I was in Alaska this time last year, my life was completely different! like not even funny
13. First photo you have in "my photos'
Me and Homi immitating the arrpi smile. lol
14. Would you rather run through a town naked in midday or sleep with the most disgusting person you know
RUN NAKEDDDDDDDD
15. you have to spend a weekend with number 23 on your contact list, discuss.
Nids. IT’LL BE FUUUUNNNNNNN. We’ll have a movie marathon
16. Goggle your horoscope for today, how accurate is it?
‘Your skepticism has flown out the window, so it may be a good idea to get a smart, no-nonsense friend to evaluate new plans and schemes. It’s all too easy for you to fall for a swindler.’
Uhhhh, idk, I haven’t met anyone new, so I guess I couldn’t fall for a swindler.
I like that word, swindler. It rolls of the tongue so well. It sounds so full, and sly and yet, mysterious, enigmatic.
17. Tell us about someone you miss.
I miss Aidan! He’s coming back on Saturday, I think.
18. List the things you spend money on this week
Arrpi’s scrapbook, Hangover 2 movie ticket, shisha and drinks yesterday. I think thats it!
19. Which one with you prefer, sex with someone you've known for sometime, or sex with a hot stranger.
What a stupid question. Hot stranger, DUHHH.
20. your plans for next week,
Study!
DONEEEE, WOOOOOOOOOO
Wanna be my Chammak Challo? ;D
Ever since I was a child, I’ve lived in the jaded world of fairytales, my feet hardly ever touched the ground, and that was how I liked it. I had decided early on that I was not a creature meant for the harsh realities of this world, that the clouds were my homeland and that was where I had to stay, far away from the anguish, suffering, humiliation and deceit of the real world. And so, I waited every night at midnight by the window for Peter Pan to come whisk me away with him to Never Never Land. I went to every wedding with the satisfaction that I had witnessed a ‘happily ever after’. I drowned in the realm of literature when the real world was too much for me. This is how I’ve grown up, and it is because of this mentality that I am the way I am. As a 17 year old teenager on the brink of becoming an adult, I still believe in fairytales the same way I did when I was 6.
You might think that this is a bad thing, you might think that I’m living in ignorance of the pain that awaits me. Let me tell you something, ignorance is bliss, and blissful I will be. Not to say I’m disconnected to with the sorrows of the world, I keep myself updated and knowledgeable at all times, after all, something must die in order for something better to take its place. And its not like I haven’t been given ample reasons to stop believing. I’ve seen marriages shatter into pieces. I’ve seen abusive, cheating, husbands and I’ve seen alcoholic, unhappy wives. I’ve seen the pain of the fallacy of a forced marriage, I’ve seen the struggle to make ends meet. I’ve seen the demise of a man truly evil as many a times as I’ve seen the demise of a man with a heart of gold. I’ve seen a son suddenly left fatherless and I’ve seen babies given up for adoption. I’ve seen my share, more than my share.
I just like my beliefs or illusions, facades, bullshit as many people have called it. I’m not ready to let go, I’m going to continue to believe that in the end, everything will be perfect, that even if things look like they’re in dishevels, I’ll be happy, or at least content with what I have, with who I have.
You were and still are the first voice I looked to in the absence of my own, don’t leave me
The rain looks absolutely beautiful this morning
Crying occurs when the body reacts emotionally to something. Tears are a reaction of the nervous system to try and ease our pain, just as we would when physically harmed. The body senses our distress and the cranial nerve in the brain is stimulated, this sends signals to the neurotransmitters in the tear glands to make us cry. These tears contain high levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin in order to reduce the amount of these chemicals in the body, a defence mechanism produced to keep depression away. This is why many people feel better after they cry, because these excess hormones have been reduced and the body is returned to a more stable state.
Sometimes we say we can’t cry anymore. Why? Well, if you keep triggering a stimulus, the nervous system stops responding. If you keep pressing on a bruise, after a while the nerves won’t respond anymore and it won’t hurt. If you keep getting upset, the body might not react to it, you might not cry, and you probably feel worse.
So if you need to cry, just do it. It might be distressing, it might make you feel weak, it might make your eyes puffy, but it also might make you feel better.
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