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I will follow you into the dark

better do what you can.

Monday, August 30, 2010

"Why, what happened?" I ask, burnt out and frustrated.
" You happened." You reply, your voice stoic as ever.


Wow, thanks mom, such nice words to say to me when i'm already crying from the stress of it all. Thank you so very much.






Sally, take my hand,
We'll travel south cross land,
Put out the fire,
And don't look past my shoulder.

The exodus is here,
The happy ones are here,
Lets go together,
Before we get much older.

Teenage wasteland, its only teenage wasteland





Dear prudence, won't you come out and play?
Dear prudence, greet the brand new day.
The sun is up, the sky is blue,
Its beautiful, and so are you.



The only way it couldn't work out is if you didn't want it to.


Give me reason
Sunday, August 29, 2010



When I get older, I will be stronger, they'll call me freedom, just like a wavin' flag.



I put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put the things where they are supposed to be.



I was never good enough




Send me all your angels tonight,
I'm barely hanging on the edge of lonely,
Trying to turn this all around before i hit the ground,
and end up face down.

Better days are sure to come,
I don't want to come undone,
Show me what i'm living for.

Send me all your angels, now.





Saturday, August 28, 2010

I need to STOP this.
I need to stop wishing and hoping and dreaming.
Because all it leads to is disappointment.

And that fucking hurts.



I hate this. So very much.



'For all the sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these : it might have been'

- John Greenleaf Whittier



You begin to forget what it means to live. You forget things. You forget that you used to feel alright. You forget what it means to feel alright because you feel like shit all the time, and you can’t remember what it was like before.

- Wasted, Marya Hornbacher


Friday, August 27, 2010

Once upon a time, a boy loved a girl.
Her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

You're so young, how'd you loose hope so quickly?
This is the time in our lives when we love effortlessly and recklessly.
Don't loose faith in love, not yet, we're still kids, we can still believe.

We will always believe in the magic of love.
Always.



"I'm empty, and i'm cold, and my hearts about to break... come and find me"

- Winnie The Pooh



I wonder if you'd ever 'take one' for the team.
I wonder if you'd ever 'take one' for me.





What you don't know, can't hurt you.

Some secrets need to be kept, some stories should never be told,
some reasons shouldn't be understood, they just might turn your blood cold.

Who needs all the answers? Who lost their direction?
Who said the truth's gonna save you, when the truth can be dangerous?




Dear person i'd like to talk to more,

Dear Jerri,

I haven't been able to talk to you much since school opened, i've been so swamped with work, and I realize sometimes you might feel like i'm ignoring you.

I'm not, its just, there's so much stuff going on, its such a whirlwind, I can't find my time yet.

I really am sorry we haven't gotten to talk, and I haven't seen you in forever, but we'll always be friends, ok? And don't doubt the fact that I value you as a friend a lot, and I love you :)

Lots and lots and lots of love,
Bee :D


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Fate fell short



I can't believe you'd do this.









You tell me that you've got everything you want, and your bird can sing,
but you don't get me,
you don't get me.

You say you've seen the seven wonders, and your bird is green,
but you don't see me,
you don't see me.

When your prized posessions, start to weigh you down,
Just look in my direction,
I'll be 'round,
I'll be 'round,

When your bird is broken, will it bring you down?
You may be awoken,
I'll be 'round,
I'll be 'round.

You tell me that you've heard every sound there is,
And your bird can sing,
but you don't hear me,
you don' hear me.


The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year



Grey, quiet, tired and mean,
Picking at a worried seam,
I try to make you mad at me over the phone,
Red eyes and fire and signs,
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme,
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home.


No amount of coffee, no amount of crying,
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine,
No, nothing else will do.


Dear person I'd like to meet,
Tuesday, August 24, 2010



Dear John Lennon,

If there was any one person in this world - and the next, that i'd like to meet, it'd be you.

And I have so many questions, and so many things I want to tell you. I wonder if maybe, you look down at all of your Beatles fan's now and laugh at them. Coz we're fucking crazy, thats for sure. When we talk about you, its kinda bitter sweet. You don't know the kind of impact you've had on people. Its amazing, really. And its so sad, so undeniably sad that we'll never get to see you, never get to hear your voice, never get to hold your hand or give you a hug just because a jealous man shot you.

I'd love to meet you, I'd do anything for that opportunity. But i'm never going to get it, and i guess i'll have to deal with it.

Love you with all my heart,
Bhavana



I write because I want to remember, and words retain more dignity than memories sometimes, at least they will when I may be old and my hands may be frail, and the details, fuzzy. I write because I am afraid to forget. Thoughts are fleeting and an undocumented world is just short lived. Something about the way an idea wrapped firmly around the mind unravels and pirouettes through the tip of a pen or impresses by means of old typewriter keys onto a sheet of tangibility assures me that it will last, and last because I will it to do so.



But don't worry, someone, somewhere is doing something beautiful, and nobody knows.

Seriously, someone is imagining the Sistine Chapel in 3D, there are unicorns involved and no one knows.

Someone is painting the most magical thing anyone's eyes will ever see, and no one knows.

Someone is writing the most awe inspiring words on the back of a tissue paper in a diner somewhere, and nobody knows.



You have a pen? Take a memo and write this down:

'Once, I was loved, supremely, with every fibre of someone's being.
They just never knew how to tell me'



Your chromosomes have combined beautifully





If air ever pushes its luck,
if it dares to get between me and you,
I will cut it, kill it, and let it bleed blue.



May the bridges I burn light the way.



The rain pounds down heavily on the tin roof, I watch the raindrops trickle down the window. As I watch the raindrops gingerly find their paths through the myriad of drops, I pretend that I am in a floating house. I am not firmly planted on the ground, but rather, flying over the roaring ocean. How sweet would it be? To leave everything behind, and yet, to take it all with me, like I could not only defy gravity but negate its existence. I wonder what the stars would taste like, and how the black holes feel. I wonder where the asteroid belts would take me and I wonder what the moon would say.





Get me out of here.
Now.


Dear Stranger,

Hi there, stranger.

I've never met you before. Perhaps thats for the best. But there's one thing for sure, you're reading this for a reason. You chanced upon this letter that i'm writing just for you, for a reason.

Stranger, I want you to know, I think you're absolutely beautiful. You're amazing in so many ways, so many ways. You blow me away.

I hope you understand, A smooth sea never ever made a skillful sailor. I say this all the time. Whatever happened to you, it happened for a reason. Whatever is happening to you - for a reason. Whatever will happen to you - for a reason. I know it might not seem like that now, but its true. Coz everything's a syntax connection.

Please stay safe :)

Best wishes,
Bee :D


Monday, August 23, 2010



I.cannot.stop.listening.to.this.


OOOHHH SHIT SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER, JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW NIGGA.


Dear Dreams,



To my dearest posession - My dreams,

You are me.

You were fashioned out of my thoughts, my past, out of my subconscious. You encompass everything I am, was, and ever will be.

You have high expectations. I aim to be a doctor, I aim to go to a good university, I aim to take time off and join Doctors Without Borders for 2 years and work, free of charge. I aim to have a family, a big family.

But most of all, my aim, is to be happy. I want to live with no regrets.

You, my friend, are definitely a wild one. You meander and run so very much. But I think, reaching you is gonna be one hell of a ride.

Perhaps the best thing about you, is that you're never satisfied. After reaching one bench mark, you move on to the next. You don't have the finish line, you just have the race.

I look forward to seeing where you end up 5 years from now.

Lots of love,
Bhavana :D


Sunday, August 22, 2010

I must become a lion hearted girl.



I live with my head high in dreamy clouds. Reality is not for me, its not my cup of tea. People look at me with disapproval, 'its a recipe for disaster,' they say,' you're too young, and too naive to know the intricacies of life'. I hear their voices cluck with disapproval,' come down from there, dreamer. The clouds are not safe.' I smile gently,' maybe one day,' I reply,' maybe one day.'

But I never will.

Reality is not for me. My dreamland is my home. My belief is the foundation. I am never going back down there. I cannot leave everything I believe in. No, I will not. No matter what you say.


Warrior
Friday, August 20, 2010



Her life improved dramatically when she decided to break the rules and find beauty where she'd told there was none.


Dear Sibling/ Closest Relative.

Hi dude,

So its been about 10-11 years since you died of lung failure.

Its a shame I never got to know you, I was too young, to absorbed in my own wondrous world to know. But I do remember the day you died with eerie clarity. But what i'm really, terribly ashamed of is that, I remember that day with such detachment, its like you weren't even made of the same flesh and blood. I hope you understand, I feel terrible about it. When I can't sleep at night, and silence swirled in with darkness surrounds me, it eats me alive.

I'm frequently disgusted with my stoic indifference. However, I can't change the way I feel. Therefore, I feel like its better that I admit and then repent. I don't want it to be this way, brother, I want to feel for you. But I don't, I can't.

You see, I don't know who you are. I didn't get a chance to know you. We didn't get a chance to have our very own 'sibling bond', in my memory, you're nothing but a fleeting apparition, someone who appears and leaves, almost immediately.

I can tell you this though, our parents miss you greatly. And they still go to the temple religiously on your birth and death anniversaries. I suspect our mother cries about you sometimes, its just a feeling. The only time i've seen my father cry was then you passed. Never again. I'm sure even our grandparents think about you sometimes, though your name has become sort of taboo in our household, for fear of the awkward silence that hangs heavily in the air when you are mentioned.

According to hindu mythology, you've reincarnated, and since you were merely two when you passed, you could have done no evil. Thus, I imagine, you've become a human instead of the insects or animals that undeserving people become. You're living a life somewhere else in this world now, perhaps we're not even on the same side of this globe anymore. Or perhaps, we've crossed each other on the street and given each other fleeting glances.

Whatever it is, I hope, you're content now. I hope you've gotten to live the life you never had with us.

Your sister - only by blood,
Bhavana.


Rigor Mortis
Thursday, August 19, 2010

and I think, ultimately, humans are like sharks.

If we don't move on, we cripple ourselves, we die.



I wish I wasn't so hopelessly boring, so oddly discomfited and socially awkward that people simply grow bored and restless talking to me, like they'd prefer to be somewhere else, with someone else. And I hate myself for that. I hate the way I can't excite a soul, can't carry a conversation, can't make someone laugh. So willing to please that I stumble over my words, get too flustered and distressed.

I don't want to dislike myself more than I already have


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Fat.

Three unassuming letters arranged in an inconspicuous order to form a word.

A shot, one syllable word.

Three letters; one syllable.

Why is it that just three words and just one syllable carry such a heavy, burdensome weight?

What is it about the word fat that has people guffawing and crying?

What about that word has girls cringing with fear?

And why is it, that while fat has a negative connotation, that skinny has a positive connotation? What is it about being a sickly, placid skeleton that has girls smiling with glee?


Why is society so fucked?
And why are we so affected?





Over confidence, i've realized, is a rather common maladie.



Looking for Alaska



If people were rain, i'd be drizzle and you'd be hurricane.




Dear Crush,



Dear extremely-cute-guy-i-see-in-the-elevator-every-morning,

I don't really have a proper crush right now, so I guess i'll just use you instead :)

Your probably way too old for me. But you're absolutely beautiful. Your ocean blue eyes and your messy blonde hair get me every time.

And you're such a gentleman, thank you for holding doors open for me and stepping in front of me just a bit when that big golden retriever came into the lobby today (even though i'm totally not afraid of dogs).

Your so amazingly gorgeous, I hope it doesn't get to your head.


Warm regards,
B :D


Don't speak
Tuesday, August 17, 2010



There's a lot that you don't notice,
When you read between the lines,
The futures out of focus,
and you're blinded by the light.
its a hope for all the hopeless,
in the worse of trying times.

You resort to being speechless,
because your love won't survive.


You dare to rise up from the ash.




and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said



Dear Best Friend,

Dear Aidan,

Um, hi!

I asked you once why you bothered to talk to me when you first met me, and you said that my saddness piqued your curiosity, that when you talked to me, you knew all I needed was a friend and you couldn't just let me suffer without one.

So, thank you for that, thank you for being generous enough to listen to me tell you all my stupid little secrets, my insecurities, my pains, and my joys. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me some of your secrets too :) Till today, I feel like you're the only one who really absolutely does care out of all of the people I converse with.

I tell you time and again and I will repeat myself here. You are an amazing person, and I sincerely hope you get everything you ever deserve, which is only the best, in my opinion :)

I hope I stay friends with you for a REALLY really reaalllyyyy long time.

Love,
Bhavana :D




30 days, 30 letters.

Ok, so I see this everywhere and I just saw it on Nasri's blog, and, I WANNA TRY IT! So I shall.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror


six hundred
Sunday, August 15, 2010





The time as come to change this,
To stretch this thought a mile,
We've lost that kind of spirit.

We got it back today.


:)


Everyone's here.
Saturday, August 14, 2010


Trust me,
I'll be there when you need me,
You'll be safe here,
When you finally trust me,
Finally believe in me.

I will, let you down,
i'll, let you down, i'll
When you finally believe in me,
Finally trust me.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

You have this way of ending off with such finality, that it scares me.




Get up, get out, get away from these liars,
coz they don't get you're soul, or your fire,
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine,
and we'll walk through this dark room for the last time.


I want so much for you to open your eyes,
Because I need you to look into mine.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I'll tell you a secret, which one's your good ear?
People are made up of water and fear.



I am so tired, and so stressed out. I'm so confused and idk what to do.

If you guys think O's were fucking bad, never EVER do IB. It'll fuck you up the ass with a chainsaw, seriously.

I don't know how i'm gonna manage everything. I'm so scared.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I wish i had the power to make things better for you,
I wish that my words carried the weight that I want them too,
I wish that they'd affect you.

But they don't. I'm just this awkward little person, and I try to make it better for you, I try to make you crack a smile, but i'm so inadequate, I just fail so badly every time.

:/

I'm sorry.


Mad Girls Love Song
Sunday, August 8, 2010


I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead,
I lift my lids and all is born again.
( I think I made you up inside my head)


Evening Sun
Saturday, August 7, 2010

All actors they're pretending
And singers they sometimes lie
Oh kids are always honest
Cause they don't think they're ever gonna die
You're the prettiest smartest captain of the team
I love you more than being seventeen
:D


Thursday, August 5, 2010

Every single night, just before sleep over comes, I write in you.

You are my journal, I write in you religiously, and intricately every single night. You know what no one else bothers to learn, my fallacies and my kinks, my strange habits and my life's achievements.

In you I store both my deadly, and harmless secrets. Words I've never dared to utter before, I've written in you in complete faith with no hesitation whatsoever.

Maybe, hopefully, in some ways, i'm your journal too.







Every night, I tell you everything. I let you into the infinite universe I've toiled to create for myself. I let you throw open all the cupboards, peak into the boxes and gingerly touch the knick knacks. There's no where you aren't allowed to wander into in my innate little universe.

For those few hours, my troubles suspend in time and a unassuming ease surrounds me. Even if we're talking to many other people, its always just you and me in my crazy, and at times really fucked up universe.

I really like it that way, you and me in my weird little universe

:)


Don't push it, boy.
Monday, August 2, 2010



My patience is wearing thin. We give an inch, and you take a mile. You're skill at consistently stepping back from yourself and seeing your path and place in life is GREATLY lacking. Please work on this.

Like she said,' we're just tolerating you.'


Sunday, August 1, 2010



If you asked me, i'd follow, but for now, i'll just pretend.








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