Dear Sibling/ Closest Relative.
Hi dude,
So its been about 10-11 years since you died of lung failure.
Its a shame I never got to know you, I was too young, to absorbed in my own wondrous world to know. But I do remember the day you died with eerie clarity. But what i'm really, terribly ashamed of is that, I remember that day with such detachment, its like you weren't even made of the same flesh and blood. I hope you understand, I feel terrible about it. When I can't sleep at night, and silence swirled in with darkness surrounds me, it eats me alive.
I'm frequently disgusted with my stoic indifference. However, I can't change the way I feel. Therefore, I feel like its better that I admit and then repent. I don't want it to be this way, brother, I want to feel for you. But I don't, I can't.
You see, I don't know who you are. I didn't get a chance to know you. We didn't get a chance to have our very own 'sibling bond', in my memory, you're nothing but a fleeting apparition, someone who appears and leaves, almost immediately.
I can tell you this though, our parents miss you greatly. And they still go to the temple religiously on your birth and death anniversaries. I suspect our mother cries about you sometimes, its just a feeling. The only time i've seen my father cry was then you passed. Never again. I'm sure even our grandparents think about you sometimes, though your name has become sort of taboo in our household, for fear of the awkward silence that hangs heavily in the air when you are mentioned.
According to hindu mythology, you've reincarnated, and since you were merely two when you passed, you could have done no evil. Thus, I imagine, you've become a human instead of the insects or animals that undeserving people become. You're living a life somewhere else in this world now, perhaps we're not even on the same side of this globe anymore. Or perhaps, we've crossed each other on the street and given each other fleeting glances.
Whatever it is, I hope, you're content now. I hope you've gotten to live the life you never had with us.
Your sister - only by blood,
Bhavana.