I wish I wasn't so hopelessly boring, so oddly discomfited and socially awkward that people simply grow bored and restless talking to me, like they'd prefer to be somewhere else, with someone else. And I hate myself for that. I hate the way I can't excite a soul, can't carry a conversation, can't make someone laugh. So willing to please that I stumble over my words, get too flustered and distressed.