<body>




I will follow you into the dark

better do what you can.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

How do you save yourself from the fear of being unloved?


Toughest question anyone's ever asked me.



And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others. And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
Kafka On the Shore by Haruki Murakami






There are times when you annoy me to no end,
There are times when I feel like you understand nothing about me,
There are times when I feel like behind my back, you really think i'm this weird stupid little girl you're just being friends with because you pity her.
There are times when I feel like, its no use trying to talk to you anymore.

But then, sometimes, you make me laugh till my stomach hurts,
Sometimes, you answer my questions before you even ask them,
Sometimes, I feel like you want to be my friend because, you actually want to.
Sometimes, I feel like talking to you forever.

And I guess those are the moments I live for.

Everyone goes through rough patches, right? :)





We interrupt your normal broadcasting service to tell you that because of my shirt, YOUR SHIRT IS IRRELEVANT.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

You can go MOTHERFUCK yourself, you bastard.


Monday, September 27, 2010



You're in the dark,
there's no one left to call,
And sleep's your only friend,
but not even sleep can hide you

From all those fears,
and all the pain and the days,
you wasted pushing them away,
Its your life, its time you face it


Poetry is no place for a heart thats a whore
Friday, September 24, 2010

And I'm young and I'm strong,
But I feel old and tired,
Over fired.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010



Today was a confusing day, with my mind yelling,' I hate you' vehemently to everyone that walked past, passed a stupid remark or laughed obnoxiously.

It was just one of those days where you'd rather be anywhere but here, with any other people, but these.

I'm sorry


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

You use words so cheaply. The sentences that slip through your lips are devoid of any meaning, any emotion. Your tongue does not relish the words you speak. It does not roll delicately around them, instilling them with warmth and meaning. No, you spew words out. They blaze through your throat to your lips. You use them simply because, you can.



There are times, when I just hate all of you. Every single one of you. There are times, when I feel like shoving you all into an insignificant little box and shipping you off to god knows where. There are times, where I just get so irked by you, I can't stand even being in your presence. During these these times : Just shut up and stay away. I don't like it when you come after me and crack ridiculous, unfitting jokes and try to coax me into telling you whats wrong. Coz I won't. I appreciate the consideration, but just fuck off, for now anyways. Thank you.


Monday, September 20, 2010



She's wanted like a wanted man,
With your smart mouth and your killer hand





Its a dark past, and a heck of a toll



ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

lmao.





The White Lace Dress
Sunday, September 19, 2010

I want that. I want one EXACTLY like that. It'd be the perfect dress :D





Saturday, September 18, 2010

Please
Let me be free,
I can't face the truth





I don't know, i'm just so confused.

All I know is that, I don't like who I am right now. I hate my vulnerability, I hate my need to rely on people, I hate my insecurities, I hate it all.

I want to love myself.

But I can't love myself if I stay this way forever. I need to change, I need to evolve.

I want to be prettier, I want to carry myself better. I wish I wasn't so clumsy. I need to loose weight. I need to change the way I dress. I need to put myself out there more. I need to express myself better. I need to inject confidence in my veins, and shoot glitter up my spine. I need to blow stardust into my eyes and I need to add sunshine to my smile. I need to paint elegance on my legs and I need to stir eloquence into my speech.

I need to be happy with the way I am. Because i'm not.I don't like this version of me. She irks me. She drives me up the walls. I hate her.

I just... I don't know. Someone help me :/



Lol I don't know whats happening, I don't know what i'm doing.

I need to survive tonight.


Friday, September 17, 2010

"Baas pyar ka naam maat lehna, I hate love stories!"



Given the chance,
I wanna be somebody,
If for one dance,
I wanna be somebody.


Better

A twist of faith,
A change of heart,
Cure's my infactuation

A broken heart,
Provides the spark,
For my determination


Thursday, September 16, 2010

"Pete was the father, Peter is the money launderer"

I'm sorry Nazie Wazie ):
Think about the good bits, ok? Not the bad. Think about Pete, not Peter!

I loooveee youuuuuuuu lessthanthree lessthanthree lessthanthree





hey, hey, hey, i'm gonna be happy someday!




You don't care a bit



On you journey to your dream, be ready to face oasis and deserts. In both cases, don't stop.



You'll never change whats been and gone.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010



I coke you
I pepsi you
I LIMCA YOU
I chocolate you
I NUTELLA YOU
I mango milkshake you
I mango lassi you
Apple you!
I HOT GUY YOU.
I Beatles you
I Pink Floyd you
I The Who you
I Chace Crawford you
I teddy bear you
I Nikita you



Olive you :)


A conversation with the man who works at Maakan Mumbai

Today, I had a tiny conversation with the man who works at Maakan Mumbai, the food stall in our school. After ordering my food, I noticed the man had a slight tinge of sadness in his eyes. Out of impulse, I asked,' How are you, uncle?'

'Ekdam Maast, beta' he replies, the ghost of a smile appears on his face,' even more now, thanks to you asking me how I am' this time, a smile lights up his face fully. The tint of sadness disappears.

I guess everyone needs that once in a while. Everyone needs someone to show care and compassion, its just hard to express sometimes. And when someone finally does, it feels like the missing piece was there all along, you just needed that person to help you see it.

Everyone needs someone to ask them how they are and wait to actually hear the answer. Everyone. Even the uncle who works at Maakan Mumbai :)





Please?





Jerrica Tan, I love you. And I can't wait till I see you on friday.





Here comes the bomb shell



After poking and prodding me quite a number of times, Anchit asks me,' Are you like, a robot?'
A giggle escapes my lips,' what?' I ask.
' You don't feel anything! You were supposed to scream!'

Ahh, the joys of growing up in a male dominated family :)



The seasons changed and so have we.


Should've known


Monday, September 13, 2010

I was born too late, I'll never get to experience the magic of the sixties. I was born too early, I'll never get to explore the universe.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Olive you!
:D


Saturday, September 11, 2010

We're all of the stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see us someday.

Just take what you need,
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out.




I hope you live a life you're proud of. And if not, I hope you find the strength to start all over again


Ganesh Chaturthi
Friday, September 10, 2010




This holiday was always a special one for me back when I was just a tiny kid in Mumbai. I used to sit on my fathers shoulders as we walked out onto the streets, getting lost in the sea of people. The smell of incense and Jasmine heavily laden in the air, colors and flowers as far as the eye can see. We all threw our fists in the air and shouted exuberantly into the streets,




' Ganapati Bappa Morya, Pudhachya Varshi Laukar Ya!'



The drum's thumped rhythmically as I watched the people dance wildly into the streets. If I was lucky, I got a glimpse of Ganesh Ji, riding proudly on top of a few lucky men's shoulders. His shape was impeccably formed by highly trained artists from but a pile of clay.His freshly painted eyes would glisten in the sunlight, the jewel's he was adorned in sparkled and I would smile, because back then, Ganesh Ji was my source of strength, energy and power. Whenever I was scared, i'd close my eyes and chant his name over and over, and slowly, my fears would be assuaged. He made me fearless. I would imagine the clay statue to wink at me, or throw me a smile, and i'd be satisfied the rest of the week.


People passed Modak around and ate it joyfully, but not before offering it to Ganesh Ji first. We all danced and chanted and laughed our way to the sea side, where our chanting grew louder still, where color and flowers fell down like rain upon us, where people from all different walks of life united as one through our culture and religion. We all watched in joy and anticipation as the clay model sunk to the bottom on the sea. Loud applauses and whistles were heard all around, but not before we all muttered a quiet word of prayer and joined our hands in thanks.


I giggled happily as my dad danced me around on his shoulders still chanting, still singing, with color's strewn all over the floor and Modak still being passed around in celebration.

I wish I was back home for this holiday.




Beauty comes from death, just like a super nova.



Wednesday, September 8, 2010



I love you amazing, gorgeous, smart, funny, talented people - namely, Marissa, Nasri, Joshua, Jx, Bernice, Portia - you're just spectacular, every single one of you. I never felt like I fit in anywhere else as well as I do with you guys. I love you all more than anything in the entire world :D




I love you guys, even though we don't see each other very often, when we do, I swear, we're infinite :) I've never met a group of people I fit so well into, and I probably never will :) You guys are amazing. Really truly amazing in every sense of the word :)


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

We accept the love we think we deserve
We accept the love we think we deserve
We accept the love we think we deserve
We accept the love we think we deserve
We accept the love we think we deserve
We accept the love we think we deserve



My life is a series of changes.
A series of hits and misses, of ghosts and corpses,
I've lost a lot and gained what i've taken,
This time next year, I won't be the same girl anymore.
I create my existance through change



It's like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy
for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to
always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you're happy, too.

- Perks Of Being A Wallflower



Haven't you heard?
I'm stuck on a verge.



I should've given you a reason to stay


Monday, September 6, 2010

errica says:
awesomness
why arnt u sleeping
Bhavana says:
coz you're turning 18 in 5 minutes
OMG 2 MINUTES
OMG
OMG
OM
G
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
OMG RELAX
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
IM THINKING OF WHAT TO WISH FOR
Bhavana says:
OMGOMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
omgggg
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
only 2 mins
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OM
G
YOU'RE
GONNA
BE
LIKE
AN
ADULT
omg
OMG
1 MINUTE
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
MG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
HAHA
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
OMG
Bhavana says:
ONE
Jerrica says:
OMG
Bhavana says:
MINUTE
Jerrica says:
OMG
Bhavana says:
OMG
Jerrica says:
OMG
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
OMG
Bhavana says:
OMG
Jerrica says:
OMG OMG
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMGOMGOMGOMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
WE'LL HAVE OUR OWN LITTLE PARTY ON MSN
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OK
OK
WOOOHOOOO
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
THIS IS MORE EXCITING THAN NEW YEARS
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OH MY FUCKING GOD
YOU'RE
FUCKING
18
BITCH
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
YOU'RE
18
OH MY GOD
YOUR
18
OH MY GOD
Jerrica says:
hhahah
omg i know right
wooooohooooooooo
Bhavana says:
OMG
OMG
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I LOVE Y
OU
Jerrica says:
THANK YOU LOVEY
Bhavana says:
I LOVE
YOU
Jerrica says:
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Bhavana says:
LALALALA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU
Jerrica says:
AND IF WE STOP TALKING I WILL DIE
Bhavana says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEARRR SEXY HOT JERRRIIIIIII
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOO YOUUUUU
OMG WE'LL NEVER STOP TALKING
SRSLY
I
LOVE
YOU
TOO MUCH
OMG OMG OMG
18 YEAR OLD
OMG
OMG
Jerrica says:
I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TOO


Bahahahahahah, i love us :D


MY BABY TURNS 18 ^^



Dear Jerri,

YOU'RE 18 BITCH.

Wowwww, 18. Happy birthday love, I hope you get everything you ever ask for! They grow up so fast *sniff sniff*

The world hasn't been kind to you, people have been bitches. And for the record, you don't deserve it. Not at all. You're an amazing person. And I don't say that lightly. I mean it in the heaviest way possible. You.Are.Amazing.

Thank you for being so amazing. For listening to me, and meeting me for breakfast at mac's so fucking early. Thank you for texting me in the morning, and asking how I am. Thank you for the dinosaurs that walked on the stars. Thank you for the nerd convention. Thank you for Eclipse. Thank you for MUFE. Thank you for your slightly under done muffins. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being with me through it all :)

There's something I want to say, there's something you need to know. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, I wish you understood how awesome you are. Sweetie, you aren't fat. You're far from that. You're tall, you're gorgeous, you're a real woman. You wouldn't be that fun to hug if you were stick thin ): You're single, yeah, but so am I. We'll be single together, so it won't suck. And god knows i'm gonna be this way for a fucking long time, so you're not gonna lose my company anytime soon :) YOU'RE NOT ALONE. You'll ALWAYS have me, hamesha and forever. If you ever EVER feel alone, text me, call me. Have I ever let you down? :D

And YES, one day, we're gonna get a house together, and fashion our own little world with the trinkets we've collected in this one. We'll live in the UK together. You'll be a producer, and I'll be a doctor, we'll still be best friends, and it'll all be amazing, because we'll be together :D

I love you like a fat kid loves cake, and I always will.

You sexay thang, lol.






He who fights with monsters should take care,
Lest he thereby become a monster.
And if you gaze too long into an abyss.
Soon the abyss gazes into you.





Kings College Chapel.

I'm SO gonna be there two years from now! :D :D :D And I will spend all my time in this gorgeous chapel :D



I guess i'm the disappointment this time



Maybe pain is a vicious cycle. Maybe it reverberates.


Sunday, September 5, 2010

You can change. You can adapt. You can make it so that you'll never feel this way ever again. Ever.



Have you ever felt so naked in front of a person? Have you ever felt like you wanted to reach into their gut and snatch back every single little thing you ever told them and swallow it whole again, because you suddenly realize, its not safe with them anymore? Have you ever felt so brutally stripped and thrown to the side? Because everything you believed in... was a lie. A stupid lie that someone fabricated to waste your time. Have you ever been so fucking upset at yourself at being so naive, for believing that trust and hope and fairy tales exist? Have you ever just wanted to rip something apart and let it hang precariously at the seems?

Have you?



lies.





ahhhh, homie, rofl.



You think you know someone, and then they pull the carpet from right underneath your feet.





i have amazing friends, lol.






I'd be lost in darkness without you


Saturday, September 4, 2010

Nevermind me, Nevermind me,
I'll just cast shadows on your wall.
Nevermind me, Nevermind me,
I'll let myself out.


The optimists asserts!





All aboard prosperity, giggle till it hurts!
No more bread line charity, cheer up, smile, nertz!

Sunny smilers we must be, the optimists asserts,
Lets hang the fat head to a tree! Cheer up, smile, nertz!


B film



I can't pay today, and I never will
I'm on the downside, of a double bill,
Here's what I am (no surprise)
A monogram guy with Bella Lugosi eyes.

Why did you say 'love' was an act of the will?
To see something in me is to fall in love with a B film.

Camera's on, I read my lines,
Up from the dead, I give you Plan 9,
If you can say cut, and live with the take,
Its not much of a set, it's all I had time to make.

Why did you say 'love' was an act of the will?
To see something in me is to fall in love with a B film.




Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness, errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

- Anais Nin



After a lot of thought and consideration:

Wow, i'm sad lol.



"You're the best thing thats ever happened to me, and trust me, i've had some awesome things happen"


AWH :'D


Friday, September 3, 2010






And the shadow of the day, will embrace the world in gray,
The sun will set for you





Going to Melaka for the weekend in like 3 weeks with friends.

India in December.

Papua New Guinea (or Laos, Myanmar or Timor Leste) in January with friends.

Fuck yes, honestly :) This is the god damn life. As long as i'm moving, i'm great.






Papua New Guinea in January sounds AMAZINGLY PERFECT. All I need is Anchit/ Rani mam to approve, and we're in for the best time of our lives :)





Its no ok, but i'm alright

:)


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I think Everclear's singer is extremely creepy looking.

Just sayin'


Some days I have everyone and everything.

I don't understand how you could smile with those tears in your eyes and tell me everything is wonderful now.

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.



Fuck this and fuck you.
I don't want to be here anymore.

If I could just, for a day, escape. I wouldn't mind everything else.






Credits and info

Contact me: Bee

Layout by: Hiuxing designs

Blog host: Blogger

Best viewed in: Mozilla Firefox 2.0 ↑ (Size: 1024x268)