you're far from home, its a perfect place to start.

I guess you could say that today has been one of those 'whirlwind of emotions' kinda day, its been good for many, and horrible for some, and I guess this post is just my way of dealing with it.

Sometimes, the world likes to do this annoying thing when it kinda just wants to climb onto your shoulders and sit there like a fat bitch, making you take its weight while it watches old reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond and tears open a bag of chips and proceeds to spill crumbs all over you.

It happened today, and it reduced me to tears. I know, I sound weak, but what can I say? It happens. I was tired, I was stressed, I was drained and I was overfired. I didn't need you to make it worse, I didn't need you to drop me back into the flames before I got a chance to cool down once more, so I did what was bound to happen. I exploded, or rather, imploded.

I always say, if someone's gonna be two faced, they should make at least one face pretty. But what do you do when you meet someone just like that? Someone with a charming face but a malicious intent?

We've had our highs and lows, but this past year of knowing you has been the best ever, and I don't know what i'll do without you. This is an incompletion. We were supposed to fight through all of this together. We were supposed to have lots more little scuffles but say sorry and hug and get over it again. We were supposed to have so many more funny inside jokes and interesting stories. So many more emotional moments. I can't bear to see you up and leave in the middle of IB. But we can't hold you back, can we?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You've always been there for me, and i'm so god damn sorry for how i've been these past few days. I've been insensitive and mean and all you've been is sweet and kind. Its just, sometimes when you see someone you love going through so much, you get frustrated, you know? You get mad and upset and frustrated because you want better for that person. I want better for you. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve what you're feeling right now.

I am so sorry.

How have you been?

Its been a while since I've put up anything of real substance here. What can I say? Time is whirring by quicker than ever and I haven't yet had time to stop and smell the roses. All is well in my little world. The people I love are happy and safe. The stars have been shining brighter than ever and the rain has fallen leaving little destruction in its wake. Of course, the key word is little. A few minor meltdowns have occurred I guess, but nothing worthy of reporting. On Monday I have my first final IB Yr 1 exam and next Monday, the battle ends. After resting for a few days, i'll have to prepare for the second battle - Entrance examinations. In not more than a year, the war will be over. I will have graduated school and left the tertiary education system with many experiences and life lessons. One can only hope that the bridges I burnt with such malice and paradoxily, pain light my way. One can only hope that though my ribs get tangled, my heart pulls through ( maybe not as pristine as before, but intact nonetheless).

There is not much else on my mind besides this. Besides you. You see, my involvement with this war has lead me to unintentionally disregard your existence. For this, I truly apologize. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean to hurt you (if I did at all). Please, tell me how you've been? I sincerely hope that your moon has been shining big and beautiful and your wounds have started to heal. Please, don't disregard your scars as failures. If there is one thing i've learnt, battle scars show your bravery and passion for life, it is something you should be proud of. You have come out of the hurricane stronger, smarter, swifter.

' Yes, I made it out of the storm alive, with only scars to show.'

I hope you understand that I still care, that I am bad at multi tasking and I shall return to normal as soon as next monday passes. Please be patient with me.

Love,

Bee

Its been a crazy past few days with fear and sadness breeding in my mind. I was sad about not being able to go to Jakarta with IN, till I realized that next year i'll be moving to uk and going on trips to Paris and Spain with Arrpita :)

Alls well (as well it can be) in my world for now :)

I hate growing up, and having to be responsible, and making the right decisions, and caring about the fucking future. People say this is the time when you can make reckless decisions and get away with anything. Why can't I? Why am I always preparing for the next step? You do well in primary school to get to a good secondary school. You do well in secondary school to get into a JC. You do well in JC to get to a good university. You do well in university to get a good job. You do well at the office to get a promotion. I feel like right now, at this very moment, the fate of my entire life is upon me, and it isn't fair. I'm just a kid ): why're you doing this to me?